Christmas is only a few short weeks away, and you know what that means? We are singing The Twelve Days of Christmas until we cannot stand it anymore. Everyone knows that most of the presents endlessly listed in The Twelve Days of Christmas are birds. If I had to pick any of them to receive, I wouldn't choose swans a-swimming or even a partridge in a pear tree. I want one of those ambiguous, open-for-interpretation gifts. What is a "lord a-leaping," and how do I get ten of them to my house as soon as humanly possible? I want eleven pipers piping and nine ladies dancing to entertain the masses at my Christmas party; thank you very much. I would much rather all of these unique birds fly free in the wilderness this holiday season than be neglected by people who don't really want them outside of their respective days of Christmas. If you want to let two turtle doves fly free, I hope you accept these animal memes are an alternate gift.